Reading 《We Should All Be Feminists》

This book is an editorial work based on Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s speech at the TEDxEuston conference in 2012. It spans only 52 pages and is an easy read. It is worth reading from a light-hearted perspective, especially for those who grew up in patriarchal or authoritarian ideologies, who are averse to many new “isms” yet seek to understand them.

“If we do something over and over again, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over again, it becomes normal.” (p.13)

Adichie’s recounting of her childhood experience, where only boys were expected to become class monitors, delineates how gender roles are inculcated as societal norms and cultural habits. She provocatively challenges this notion in the new era where intelligence, knowledge, creativity, etc., dominate beyond the age where brute strength determined survival, suggesting these attributes are not tied to gender (hormones).

“We spend too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them. But the reverse is not the case.” (p.24)

Thus, women are taught to be more concerned about pleasing men, while guides on how men should please women are comparatively scarce (though I believe this has been somewhat mitigated in the past decade through various nutritious or non-nutritious internet memes and videos that have highlighted the elephant in the room). The author also points out that the concept of masculinity is very narrow and also hurts boys by confining them. From the author’s Nigerian background, boys are expected to be tough to meet societal expectations, leading to fragile male egos…

“And then we do a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males.” (p.27)

Is the success of women threatening to men? I think that’s a good question and worth pondering for all men. It challenges the subjectivity of men, wondering if the unspoken secret in the subconscious of many men is actually “women’s ancillary status in society.” Though it’s not statistical data, the author’s observation is very astute, especially in the context of marital harmony.

“Both men and women will say, ‘I did it for peace in my marriage.’
When men say it, it is usually about something they should not be doing anyway. Something they say to their friends in a fondly exasperated way…
When women say ‘I did it for peace in my marriage,’ it us usually because they have given up a job, a career goal, a dream.” (p.31)

Adichie believes that women are unable to articulate their thoughts, preventing them from truly discovering themselves.

“The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.” (p.34)

Adichie underscores that it is not gender per se that should dictate who we are but rather our capabilities, interests, and opportunities. Yet, gender roles and expectations are so deeply internalized during upbringing that women often feel compelled to prove their worth in the workplace disproportionately, with male judgment serving as a tacit benchmark.

The author also points out that many men do not proactively think about or notice gender. So when men become aware, they need to speak up for these seemingly trivial occasions and details. Finally, from a cultural perspective, when feminism clashes with our existing culture, the author believes:

“Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we can amd must make it our culture.” (p.46)

What does it mean to be a feminist? The book cites the dictionary definition:

Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. (p.47)

My post-reading reflection/thoughts:

1. It was only in recent years, post-marriage, that I confronted my own internalized, male-centric biases.
2. The predetermined roles of ‘breadwinner’ and ‘homemaker’ in marriage should not be inflexible standards but topics of mutual discussion.
3. Many evangelical churches still uphold the tradition of ordaining only male pastors. It remains to be seen how they will engage with the concept of feminism or construct their narratives around it.
4. Despite not being as conservative, the reality in most churches is a predominance of male leadership, a disparity that can lead to an oversight in addressing the actual needs of the predominantly female congregation.
5. My trust in a leader is contingent not upon their gender but their capabilities.
6. The myriad challenges faced by modern married women, such as career transitions, expectations, life/career planning, a sense of achievement, status within the home, power imbalances due to income disparities, and issues surrounding childbearing and family obligations, are profound. These complexities are not easily comprehensible from a male perspective.
7. Extending the conversation to include individuals whose gender identity does not align with their biological sex introduces an entirely different dimension to the discourse.
8. It is curious to ponder the proportion of women who do not identify with feminism.
9. I am considering including “I am a feminist” in my self-introduction.

I read the Traditional Chiesa version first and wrote my Medium artile in Chinese. The English article is translated by ChatGPT 4.0. I modify the English a little bit, and make sure all the quotes are the exact words in the English version book, not translated.